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| It was a dark and not so stormy night the zombie cows were walking through the valley. They marched day and night and all the time in between, but there is no time in between so I should not have written that. TO BAD! So where was I oh yes the zombie cats. No it was cows wasn’t it, so anyhow the ferocious zombie cows of death, and doom and terror and potatoes and radishes and ect. Were marching to all the soymilk, rice milk, hydrochloric milk and all other artificial milk companies in the world. Their almost fearless leader who was afraid of the dark due to an unfortunate experience involving his bare foot and an angry Siberian squirrel but that’s a different story led the fearsome cows. This almost fearless leader was the infamous Mr. Miff, the horrendously evil former president of the sewer system of Pittsburgh, the inventor of the rubber band, and the only person who lived through the great moose festival of Canada. The Spam wiggled Mr. Miff is a short person who dresses in all black and has dark hair and a dark mustache, he also has three ears but one is located in his giant SUV so no one can see it although it has a great personality. He also hates artificial milk. I know that you are thinking, "Who doesn’t?" but don’t say so because all the lactose intolerant people enjoy it as does myself. So Mr. Miff had built this mighty army of zombie cows so he could destroy all the artificial milk factories in the world. "How did he get the cows to be zombies?" you ask. Well he simply fed them clam chowder, nuclear waste, nitro-glycerin, and various other kitchen utensils. Finally Mr. Miff could do what his great, great grandmothers, sisters, dogs, dads, owners, great, great grandfathers, moms, cats, kittens, owners, brothers, friends, pet worms, murderer had been born to do. In other words his grandfather, and yes that worm lived a long time. Mr. Miff's grandfather had not succeeded in his attempt to destroy the artificial milk factories due to an event concerning the worm’s relatives but I will get to that later. Well the cows marched on, and on, and on and for a change marched on again. Finally Mr. Miff called a halt " we must destroy the soy milk factory over that hill he said
"What hill?" said a cow
"That hill, wait there is no hill" Mr. Miff squawked "well its that way anyways" he mumbled pointing "Smiggle, take your cows around the south side and charge the door. I will take the experimentals and attack from the north." the experimentals were cows rigged with nine-volt batteries and had a tendency to explode. Mr. Miff set out for the factory and suddenly a giant worm popped out of the ground; its name was Rufus the Fuzzy. Suddenly a huge explosion shook the earth. The rodents were safe. Rufus the Fuzzy immediately bumbled to the factory to see what had caused the explosion. Apparently one of the experimentals had wandered over to the factory, ate a banana and exploded. Where he got the banana no one knows. This explosion destroyed most of the soybean crop but luckily for Rufus the factory was safe. Rufus was Lactose Intolerant. Most people who are reading this are probably bored out of their minds so I regret to announce that it is almost over. Rufus realized that Mr. Miff’s cows had nine-volt batteries and defeat looked most certain so he retreated and lived the rest of his life in New Zealand. Suddenly the fearsome pig armies of the north charged down upon the cows with their ugly helmets and their flowery spears and the zombie cows exploded with such force that only Mr. Miff was left alive with a slightly burning moustache” That wasn’t supposed to happen" he said as he as he walked off to his house at 111 cockroach court.
- Anthony | | |
| They're out there.
Gnomes in strange hats up before me to pour hydroflouric acid all over me flowers and get it mopped up before I can catch them. They are mopping when I come out the chicken coop, all three of them strange smelling and on fire. I creep along the horrendiously painted wall as quiet as a lead grasshopper the size and shape of cuba. "Dagnab" I think to myself as I realize that I forgot to take my dentures and soak them in Nitroglycerin today. "oh well" I think to myself, "I'm Doomed". Little did I know that I really was. Later that day I find myself eating the barn door. it tasted "OK" at best and I know barn doors and let me tell you... this one was not one of the finer ones I had eaten. I'm eating the door when a big blunt object hits it from the other side I know that its the Fat man by the way his lard bounces of the door, loud and clumsy and gross he knows his lard well that one. he oozes through the door with an odor not unlike that of dead rodentas and avacado. he carries a stainless steel lunchbox engraved with a picture of his famed hero Calorie-Man (and his sidekick Polysaturalon). it is no doubt packed with countless cheeseburgers and greasemaster specials and fries and sodas and other such sugary, starchy, fatty delights. he nods at me as he goes past... or at least he tries to nod he has a hard time doing this because he lacks much of a neck and this makes nodding difficult. I eat my way back into a corner and smile and nod and try to mess with his mind as much as I can. but he won't let me, oh no... he's got a mind like steel fry cooker, that one. his face looks scrunched, yet pleased then he sees them gnomes they're still down there together mumbling to one another about fruit juices or the like. they sence him glaring down at them now. but its too late... or is it find out in Chapter 2 sometime soon!!! | | |
| The universe is big... really big... so enormously big that it would blow your mind out. needless to say it is bigger than you can imagine.
but its not bloody well big enough because I can't seem to get away from ALL OF THESE GROSS GROSS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(yes Berbean, that means you, and you exclusively... and I guess you to green toad!) | | |
| put da following on yo blog, entitle it "Gibblet"
Hello Sir, would u like some past-A!?!?!?!
why you little, i could just kick you in the face!
Quartz all over da place! could you not exhale like that?
My dog is soooooo stoopid!
Posiedon party!
trout madness! my munchkins gone bald! PUT EM DONE!
bang! yo face is smoldering, sir!
just da way i like it, ya moron!
rub that wlarus all the way home!
crab man cometh.
i like a da sword.
i be a da gross!!!!!
FREAKIN SUCTION CUP ON MY GOLDFISH AGAIN! u will pay ear.
i burned my eye making a waffle last nite.
bunyon.
ohhhhh... pwnd!
so yas, that would improve yo blog likes a frafrazillion. no joke. best
evers!!!!!!!! Incredible munchkin fungi, UNITE! OH NOS! GAMMA RAYS! im going
down! so... much... salsa... so... little... rhubarbs.
bers
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That is what this maniac said... quite frankly it grossed me out... but then again I should have known that BER IS GROSS | | |
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